Work and Dreams

At Con I had a very profound experience that let me know it was time to return to some very important work that I had been taking a break from. I have been working with Freyr in that regard, and I have been inviting him and Odin into my dreams to help me with that work, with some really potent results. Of course in the dream they are just casual comments, but upon awakening this morning I had a huge "AH HAH!" moment. The funny thing is that this ah hah moment was something I was advice I was giving other people at Con. You can process stuff out with Talker, you can explore and process past pains to death, and that works for talker, but those scars will stay in Fetch. Fetch doesn't process, it doesn't reason, it needs to be soothed and assured. It needs the Ah hah moment to really be able to start healing and move on.

I also have had some realizations that by coming into Feri and beginning my training toward initiation so early in my career as a witch it has left me lacking in some magical areas that other initiates may take for granted. During my trance work with Freyr last night, he was trying to coax me out of my body to hunt with him, and as much as I wanted to go, that is something I have never been able to do. It's been somewhat frustrating, because full OBE astral travel has been a desire of mine since I started practicing, but have never been able to figure it out. I feel my astral body, but getting my consciousness into it and be able to move has escaped me. I tell myself that it will happen when the time is right, just like everything else, but it is frustrating nonetheless. It feeds into my still lingering inferiority complex. That is a complex that I do kala on all the time, but still clings, and that is okay. We all have those I think. But things like this, where I feel that as a witch and especially as an initiate that I "should" be able to do really make that complex twitch. But like I said in my last entry, I am a newbie initiate, and I am trying to accept on a fetch level that no one other than myself expects me to know everything. I would like to learn from other initiates, more experienced ones that I haven't worked with much, but unfortunately my current location makes that somewhat difficult.

But I breathe. I look outside at the snow on the ground, glistening while the sun melts the ice, and my heart is filled with joy. I feel more like the Witch than I have since right before and after my initiation, maybe even more than then. I am able to laugh at my unrealistic expectations on myself, most of the time anyway. I am excited for the future of my work, because I am a young witch, with years to perfect my practice. I also honor and acknowledge my strengths. I am a great energy worker and empath. I am a healer and a lover. I help heal the scars in those that are too young to be able to heal themselves. I laugh, I dance, I sing. I walk the middle road, yet dance ecstatically on both sides on occasion.

Today, even with its challenges, life is good.

Be blessed my friends.